El Guapo needs to set the record straight

Mr. Bird Boy,

I got enough crap from the rest of you guys before you all went on you missions. Dalecki would send my pink envelopes with rainbow flags and martimony proposals on them. From himself, I might add (not even posing as a girl). I heard all about you dates and scoring when I was eating dirt.

Lets just say I was happy to be home and I knew you were all concerned about what I was up to.

Cheer up Charlie